lying in bed, feet trapped in a tangle of sheets, his arms around my neck and waist, his mouth breathing softly against my ear, my lips pressed against his forearm, the soft sun bleached hairs tickling my nose: i am completely fulfilled. i want his warmth against me always, i freeze when his body parts from mine.
my love for him floats on the air around me; colors my sky; envelops me in every way.
Don’t. Just don’t. Please. It will make you miserable. It’s a mistake. It is. And you know it. Why do you still want it? Why? You’re stubborn. Unbelievable. You know how this will end. You will cry and I will hold you while you do so. I will be there for you, even though I warned you. I am not going to say ‘I told you so’. I am not going to laugh at your pain. I am going to be there for you, always. No matter how many mistakes you make. No matter how many times you will not listen to my advice, even though you know I am right. I will be there.
guess this can KINDA relate to my last written post.
in these past few hours, i had one of the best peaceful and relaxing time to myself. sat back, painted and blasted red hot chili peppers and florence + the machine. of course, curiosity got the best of me. my mind lingers and now i’m sitting here in one of the worst fucking moods ever. i only get like this when i dig into a past that isnt meant to be known. but its something that not necessarily follows me but if its there why not pick at it.
things/people stay in the past for a reason. and i honestly feel, as if this is here to test me. test my patience, trust, reasoning and the lesson that i shouldve learned after the first time.
ever since last night, my head feels like it is going to explode. i went to bed with a head ache only to wake up with a headache.
i have an interview today for an intership.
i have an interview tomorrow for a job.
my last semester begins on monday.
i’m anxious yet nervous. i’m at a point where i am realizing that i am stuck and not moving forward. i hope everything goes well (as in i get both jobs) and if so then i know this is only the beginning.